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Don’t Read This Article
by Marty Marsh
How many times do you hear yourself using the words “don’t,” “not,” and “no”? Or “try,” “hopefully,” or “maybe”?
Have you ever paid attention to the words you are using? We tend to say to ourselves things like, “Don’t forget to take those papers to the office,” or “Don’t be late for that meeting” or other similar self-talk phrases.
Any idea what happens when we say “don’t” do something or “don’t” think about something? That becomes what we start thinking about. We can’t help it.
“Don’t think about elephants.” I bet you’re thinking about elephants right now, aren’t you?
When our mind hears the word “don’t” it goes right into action to make sure we “don’t” do something. If you don’t want to forget the papers to take to the office, and if you continually tell yourself “Don’t forget the papers,” what is most likely to happen? You’re going to forget the papers.
If you want to remember to not forget the papers, then what you need to be saying to yourself is simply “remember the papers.” Or something like that.
How often have you sent a letter or e-mail to someone and said, “Don’t hesitate to call me.” What have you just done? You’ve essentially told them, “don’t call me.”
So if you really want them to call you, just say that... “Please call me if you have any questions or need anything else.”
Our use of language is pretty powerful. Words can evoke all kinds of emotional responses. And in business and our personal lives, we need to choose our words carefully.
Start paying attention to what you say as much as how you say it. And this applies whether you’re talking to yourself (admit it, you talk to yourself all the time) or to someone else.
You’ll be amazed at the positive difference that choosing your words more carefully will yield.
I recently took a long vacation. And I must say it was the best vacation I’ve ever had in my life. This is the first vacation where I actually took off and relaxed.
It’s been my usual practice in the past to “invite” my clients to give me work to do while I was away. Which pretty much stemmed from a fear of losing them if I really took some time off. No more! This was a real vacation.
Then, as it drew to a close—after having had such a grand time away—I started noticing that I was saying in my head, “I don’t want to go back to work.”
As soon as I caught myself saying that, I reframed my thinking and changed my thoughts.
Knowing as I did that I had to go back to work, how did I reframe my “not wanting to go back to work” thoughts?
Well, first, I consciously noticed what I was thinking. By thinking about not wanting to go back to work, I was pretty much guaranteeing myself that I would have a stressful first day back for sure.
So I asked myself this: “Knowing that you do have to go back to work, what is it that you really want to have happen?”
And what I said back to myself was this: “I want going back to work to be stress free. I want a smooth transition from vacation mode into work mode. I want to handle anything that has come up while I was away with ease.”
Do you see the difference in the language? And sure enough, my first day back at work was stress free, all the emails that needed answering, got answered in a minimum amount of time. My clients were all patient, yet eager to get projects started and I eased back into work mode and didn’t even break a sweat (even though it was 117 degrees in Palm Springs when I got back).
“Hopefully, you’ll try to be more conscious of your words in the future.” I’m sure I’ve talked about these two words—try and hopefully—before, but what I said certainly bears repeating.
As a friend and client pointed out to me, I was using those two words quite a bit. And he gently reminded me that there is no such thing as “try.” We either will or we won’t, we do or we don’t. And “hopefully” always sounds like you’re doubting yourself and your convictions. (Thanks, Dan!)
So, whenever you hear yourself about to say “I’ll try to do something,” stop, think about what you are about to say and either commit to doing it or come up with an alternate plan.
And when you hear yourself about to say you “don’t want something...” ask yourself, “so, what DO you want?”
What would you like to do next?